feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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