i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
