after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
