I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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