I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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