I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
