textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
