Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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