i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
