he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
