I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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