dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
