for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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