i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
