this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
