i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
