she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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