I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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