The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can I color on your dick again?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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