her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
