At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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