Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
