the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
