Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm sobbing to NWA
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
