True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
