I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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