You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
