I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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