some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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