I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize