Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
