I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
