can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
