Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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