Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
