His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
