Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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