you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
