Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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