Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im part way to drunk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
