i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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