I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
