I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
