If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize