...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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