To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
