I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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