Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
