GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
