saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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