i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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