DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
