who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
