I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I want her autograph on my taint
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
