Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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