Screwed.edu
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
