I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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