I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
