Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize