woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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