i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
