i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
