nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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