I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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