I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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