I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
