he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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