i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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