The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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