proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize