He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize