Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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