apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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