Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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