the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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