He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize