well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
