I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
