I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
