you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
