We're like a lot better than the average bears
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
