I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
